I had a horrible dream last night, the usual culmination of the day’s thoughts translated into vivid imagery that morphed into the last terrifying moments of my life. I found myself in New York. The date was September 12. The World Trade Center was on fire, the result of yet another terrorist attack. “They’re doing it one day later than the last one!” I screamed. I saw all of this from a bridge inside of a car that I think was being driven by my husband. I noticed that my daughters and one of their friends were also in the car. The next thing we knew, as dreams often change abruptly and without reason, half of the bridge was missing, and we all went over in the car. The car then disappeared and I saw all of our bodies plunging down to our deaths. I had those few seconds to ponder my life and decide what I wanted my last words to be. I found myself saying out loud, “I love you, Lord.” And then I woke up right before I hit the water.
Who knows why we dream what we dream? I only know that I had been thinking about 9/11 all day. Earlier, I had posted on FB about a flag ceremony I had attended. I also had read an excerpt from a church sermon on terrorism. Topics surrounded by fear and frustration, and moments I can’t control generally push themselves into my slumber uninvited, and go to war with me. Why should this night be any different?
But what I learned from this particular dream is that my mind, even though it was in a dream state, decided on those four words after fully believing they’d be my last. And because that’s the case and since I’m still alive, I should probably concentrate on those words a little more.
What am I doing every day to say, “I love you, Lord?” Am I helping others? Am I speaking truth? Am I seeing other people as God sees them? Am I telling God with my actions, not just my words, that I love him?
I’m sure I fail miserably, being the mess that I am. We’re all sinners falling short of the glory of God. But the main thing is to consider the four words, to contemplate them not just daily, but hourly, even bringing them to mind each minute with each task I’m doing. It is my goal today and every day moving forward to truly live out the words, “I love you, Lord.”