How is it that two days in a row, I’ve done something incredibly stupid that has led me to believe I live my life like an ‘I Love Lucy’ episode? The only difference is – instead of crying, “Oh, Ricky” I cry, “Oh, Ratty!” (That’s my husband’s pet name). So, onto the mayhem.
Day 1: I decide on my own on Tuesday to change out the master water filter in our house. It’s sort of a bulky canister, and you need a special circular wrench to jimmy the thing loose. To make matters more complicated, you have to brace yourself against this free-standing water pipe while cranking the wrench. Then you must remember the old adage, “righty tighty, lefty loosey” in order to apply pressure in the right direction. Sometimes I still get that wrong and end up tightening the thing beyond all hope of loosening it ever again. Yes, I’ve done that and we’ve had to call in a professional with a much stronger wrench to unscrew the thing. Anyway, back to my story. So I’m fiddling with the thing and I actually get it loose all by myself and I’m thinking, ‘Yeah, I can do this without any help’ when all of a sudden, the whole canister comes loose and water sprays out all over the place because I lose my grip on it. That would be because I forgot to proactively place a bucket directly underneath the canister, which is something I knew to do but forgot to do. UGH. I wish that was the only problem I ran into, but the Lucy moment hasn’t come just yet. Bear with me. Next, I get to the sink right away, pour the rest of the water out of the canister, toss the old filter, clean the canister, and put the new filter in. No problem. I screw the canister into place, tighten it as hard as I can using the plastic wrench – to the right – and proceed to turn the water on full blast. This is where it happens. Water starts shooting in every direction from the threads of the canister, spraying walls, the floor and me. I turn the water off, but the water just keeps coming. I put a bucket underneath, but it’s spraying horizontally, not vertically. Gee, now that’s fun. Next, I get some towels, and our picnic cooler because that will hold more water. I attempt to unscrew the canister and rescrew it, assuming I’ve misaligned the threads somehow. But no, every time I turn the water back on, the same thing happens. I then actually have to call my husband home from work on his lunch to fix it. It’s either that or go without running water for the next six hours. Not happening. By this time, the entire floor is wet and I’m using one of those huge floor squeegies to clean the water mess. An hour and a half later, my husband walks through the front door, goes directly to the basement, and tinkers with it a few times as I watch the same thing happen to him. Water, water everywhere. Then it dawns on him – at least one of us possesses common sense – hey, where’s the gasket? Wasn’t there a gasket on here? We look for it on the floor and – lo and behold – there the thing is. It must have dropped off when I first unscrewed it but I didn’t see it because I was focused on the water spilling everywhere. He puts the gasket on, screws the thing on, and – presto – the water gets turns on without a drip in sight.
Day 2: You would think I would have learned my lesson, but no. I was helping my daughter make an ancient Egyptian dessert. This calls for a food processor. I throw a bunch of moistened fresh dates into the food processor, along with about 3/4 cup of walnuts. I go to turn on the processor and in the blink of an eye food goes spraying in all directions. Okay. One must ensure that the lid is securely locked before turning on the food processor. Obviously, I thought it was on or I wouldn’t have turned the machine on.
That mess took a while to clean up and when my husband came home from work that day, I had to say that I had another ‘I Love Lucy’ moment, and that ‘there had been a food processor incident.’ I feel like I should be locked up or something before I can commit any more culinary crimes. There has been a lot of them, but I am not providing any more details here.